Quiet time

What is quiet time when you have a child? I think it's this mythical thing that people without kids or people with older kids make up to make those of us with little ones feel like we're missing out on something.

Moms don't get quiet time. We think having a newborn is bad because they cry a lot and/or need constant attention. We think having a mobile infant is bad because we can no longer set them down, go into another room to do whatever for a couple of minutes while keeping an ear on them and return to find them in the same spot we left them in. We think having a walking child is bad because now that they can move faster, they can make a mess faster.

Well I'm here to assure you that all of that is cake. If you've been the mother to a child older than about 18 months, give or take a few months depending on the child, you know that the bad thing isn't all of that - it's the lack of quiet time or personal time.

When my daughter was a baby, I could hold her and still be able to do what I needed to do or put her down in her portable bassinet in the room with me and do the things that required 2 hands (she wasn't big on being carried in a sling....more like she screamed bloody murder once she figured out it meant she had to be held close to mommy, her seeming arch enemy from the way she cried every time I held her close after 2 months of age). When she could crawl, I needed to give her a toy to crawl to and she would contentedly play with that toy for quite some time (now her attention span for each toy lasts 3.2 seconds, except for her puppy dog, which she can enjoy for a solid 5 seconds, sometimes 6). When she could walk, I had my parents help me babyproof the house in my husbands deployed absence, but she was still content to wander without me...I could leave the room to go to the bathroom while keeping the door open to keep an ear on her and she would never attempt to seek me out...Freedom is her middle name. Until recently, you would have thought she was a teenager...she seemed to be mortified at the thought of staying close to her mother.

Recently, she started to change. Everywhere I go, she goes. She's always underfoot - and she's so sweet because she always offers a helping hand everywhere I go. That's how plastic balls end up clogging the dishwasher drain. That's how Horsey nearly caught fire in the oven. I always know if my car keys are missing, there's a darn good chance that she put them in the refrigerator to cool off for me. She's very thoughtful.

With this newfound constant need to be underfoot, there's something I miss - quiet showers. Showers and doing my hair/makeup (all 5 minutes of it) have been my sacred quiet time. Used to be, I could put her in her bouncer (the bathroom is not babyproofed and I wouldn't dare let her play elsewhere in the house where I can't see or hear her) and she'd contentedly jump and play or maybe eat a couple of cheerios (my bathroom is clean and she's not eating near the toilet). Now she screams her head off because she can't help mommy take a shower (but if she goes in the shower, it freaks her out - it's a lose-lose situation).

So I try to make it so that I shower when my husband is home so he can play with her in the living room. And it never fails. I'll be relishing in my extra long, extra hot shower enjoying the silence....taking my time...maybe even shaving my overgrown legs. Then suddenly, there he is. My husband will wander in, just to say hi. "Excuse me....this is my quiet time. Could you please leave?"

That's what I want to say to him. Instead, I force a smile and listen to whatever he has to say and then I tell him "I'm almost done" so that he'll leave so I can finish because apparently he needs to be underfoot too, LOL. I guess that's where she gets it from! A couple of times, I've locked both the bedroom door and the bathroom door just so I could escape for a few minutes. Yet he still didn't get that hint that I would like 10 simple minutes of peace in the shower - if he truly needs something, then by all means, he should come get me. But "What do you want for dinner?" or "was there anything special you wanted the baby to wear today?" are not those types of questions.

I know that I need to suck it up and accept that I will never get quiet time ever again for at least 5 years. But forgive me if I'm having a hard time giving up the last little bit of it that I do have. I mean shoot, even if I have to use the bathroom and I'm home alone with her, I have to give her a new object (usually a spoon or spatula) that will occupy her for 32 seconds while I dart into the bathroom to move all of my husbands books and the trash can to a height where she can't reach and tuck the roll of toilet paper around the back of the toilet where she can't get to it so that I don't have a mess to clean up. Only then can I begin using the bathroom. Everything is a process. Moms know what I'm talking about :)

Some days, a little quiet time is the difference between insanity and having my head screwed on straight. So honey, if you're reading this: I love you and the kiddo sooooo much, but when I'm in the shower can you just leave me be for 10 minutes? Thanks!

As for a moving update, my daughter goes in to the doctor today for her medical clearance. I'm a little nervous about it because I'm not going, but that's a long story.